Family Planning and Identity Questions

When I was beginning to think about whether to start trying to have a baby, I struggled with questions about how it would impact my life and identity in a way that felt completely overwhelming. It seemed like an impossible math equation that I just couldn’t figure out the right answer to:

My already full life and identity (A) + Someone who will depend entirely on me, and intrinsically change both the rhythm of my life and my entire identity (B) = More time, energy, and bandwidth than any one person could possibly have.

It was clear that if I wanted B – and I was pretty sure I did – something would have to give from A. But how could I do that without fully losing myself? These questions, and the complete overwhelm I felt when thinking about them, led me to get back into my own therapy. And through the process of talking through my fears, hopes, and values, I was able to find clarity and come to a decision that was right for me.

The decision I eventually made – to start trying to become a parent – is not the decision that will be right for everyone. These are deeply personal matters, and my only agenda is that every child be a truly wanted child, and every client be empowered to make their own choices.

Here are some family planning related questions I help clients to answer:

Do I want to become a parent, or not?
Is my family finished? Do I want another child?
Should I have an abortion? What does it mean to me if I do (or did)?
How will having children impact my identity? My career? My relationship?
My biological clock is ticking – what if I run out of time to have a family?
How do I overcome my fears about pregnancy?
How to I make sure I don’t become my own toxic parents?
How can I grieve my struggle with infertility in a healthy way, and make decisions about next steps?

As you can see, these questions run the gamut from “if” to “when” to “how” to “what if”. That’s because this is a complex set of considerations. Most decisions about family planning are not an on/off switch. When I work with clients struggling with any of these questions, the work is often existentially rooted, and grounded in questions about what it means to build a meaningful life. There are often also a lot of intergenerational considerations – wanting to parent the same as, or differently from, your own parents.

Reach out

For help developing a clear vision about what you want for the future of your family, reach out to schedule a free phone consultation now!