About 50 years ago, Martin Seligman studied learned helplessness at the University of Pennsylvania. In the study, he put dogs into cages and administered electric shocks. The dogs tried to escape, but eventually resigned themselves to the fact that they were trapped.
Later, the same dogs were moved to cages that they could get out of by jumping over a low barrier, and more shocks were administered. The dogs could have gotten away, but by that point they had learned that it was a hopeless situation and they should resign themselves to receiving the shocks. They did not try to escape.
This was how I felt when I woke up this morning and saw that in spite of Christine Blasey Ford’s courageous testimony that Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her, he would almost certainly be voted into the Supreme Court.
Politics and Therapy
And I’m not alone – feelings of helplessness about politics are a frequent theme in our office. As a social justice focused therapy center, we talk to people about these things every day. Our clients report feelings of powerlessness, and about the pervasive sense that we’re in the early chapters of a dystopian novel – A Handmaid’s Tale, or The Hunger Games.
In most cases, I’m a master of silver linings. Clients tease me about always being able to find positive ways to look at difficult things. I recently turned someone’s pay cut at work into an opportunity to search for other options without feeling guilty… and they agreed with me.
But, shit. Trump. Kavanaugh. Where are the silver linings there?
In grad school we learned about “cognitive restructuring” – the idea that if you think about things a different way, you’ll feel better. But that maze is full of dead ends – what are the uplifting ways to think about a sociopolitical climate that feels so damn dark and hopeless? I’m as scared as my clients.
But maybe silver linings aren’t my role here.
The 15 Pound Weighted Vest
One morning a few months ago, I arrived at the gym, ready to take on a difficult high-intensity interval training class. I looked over at a fellow gym member and noticed he was wearing what appeared to be a chainmail vest over his t-shirt. I cocked my head. “What are you wearing?”
“A 15-pound weighted vest,” he told me. “It levels up the workout – you know, makes all the normal stuff harder.”
Right now, those of us who follow politics are all wearing 15-pound weighted vests. It doesn’t mean we’re helpless – though it often feels like it. It just makes everything harder.
Work a lot of hours? Stuck in traffic? Argument with your spouse? Sprained ankle? All of this is happening against a backdrop of political turmoil that stands to change the world we live in dramatically.
A lot of your emotional resources are being used every time you read the news. Your 15-pound weighted vest can make it harder just to get up in the morning, much less weather adversity.
Self-Compassion is the key.
This doesn’t mean you have the right to act like a jerk to the people around you. It doesn’t mean you don’t have to be a responsible adult. But it does mean that you would benefit from being a bit kinder to yourself. Once you realize you’re wearing a 15 pound weighted vest, it can mellow your perfectionism and allow you to be less self-critical.
Here are some actionable steps you can take when you’re feeling depleted:
1. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a valued friend.
If a friend felt overwhelmed by politics, you might say to them, “I know, it sucks” or “we’re all scared, but we’re in this together.” Most of us have a tendency to be harder on ourselves than we are on others, but when you talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend, it normalizes and validates your feelings and you feel less stuck.
And also, you probably wouldn’t tell a friend to suck-it-up-buttercup and move on. You’d probably be amenable to the idea that sometimes, your friend just needs you to sit there with them while they feel their feelings. And sometimes, you need to give yourself a big hug, and tell yourself that you, too, are allowed to feel your feelings.
2. Practice self-care.
Self-care is not just massages or pedicures or Hawaiian vacations – though all of those things can be rejuvenating. It’s also learning to say no when you don’t want to do something, and asking for what you need, and taking breaks from technology, and opting out of social events when you’re not feeling up to them, and going to the dentist regularly.
Activist Audre Lorde described self-care as “an act of political warfare”. In the face of adversity, taking care of yourself combats learned helplessness. It reminds you that no matter what others tell you, you matter. It keeps you fresh so that you can fight when it matters, and it reminds you what you’re fighting for.
Self-care is not just a fluffy buzzword. Self-care is an act of resistance.
3. Remind yourself that your learned helplessness is learned.
When your spirit is crushed, you stop looking for creative solutions. You roll over. You give up.
Just like the dog who could have gotten out of the cage if it questioned its circumstances, I strongly believe that there’s an out here. I don’t know what it is – I can’t see the future. But I’m confident that passionate, smart people are fighting hard to ensure that the future is not as bleak as it sometimes feels.
When you feel helpless, like I did this morning, remind yourself that Trump and his supporters want us to just accept the shock. The shock, in this analogy, is pervasive misogyny, racism, homophobia, and xenophobia. Say to yourself, “I don’t have to feel that way. The cage has an opening. I just have to find it.”
And if you’re too tired to search right now – that’s okay too. But remember that the option is always there.