I’ve watched Disney’s Encanto about a dozen times, and listened to the soundtrack… well, I’ve lost count, but it’s probably in the triple digits.  This isn’t because I’m passionate or obsessive – it’s because in addition to being a therapist, I’m also a toddler mom.

I’m not annoyed by this, though.  Instead, I’m amazed by how many layers I keep peeling back in Lin Manuel Miranda’s latest animated feature film.  (For example, is the “teamwork” scene at the end a way of saying tear it down to build it better?)

I’m not the only therapist who’s been struck by this movie’s wealth of lessons for our clients.  In fact, this article from CNN’s mental health page, is literally titled “Why therapists ARE talking About Bruno – and all the other ‘Encanto’ characters”.

Most of my clients can relate to at least one of the Encanto characters.

This blog post has been percolating in my brain for the last few weeks (alongside, of course, the infectious tune of “We don’t talk about Bruno-no-no-no.”).  When I first started thinking about it, the title of the post was “Client archetypes of Encanto characters”.  After all:

Luisa has to stay strong and carry the world on her shoulders.  She’s every woman who’s ever been called the “glue” of her family.  Key lyric: “I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service.”

Isabela has to live up to her family’s idea of her as perfect in every way, because if the cracks show, the whole family might all come crumbling down.  Key lyric: “It’s not symmetrical or perfect, but it’s beautiful and it’s mine.”

Mirabel, our bespectacled heroine, is deeply empathic, but was not given a magical “gift”.  (Well, she can summon her house to solve just about any problem for her – but in her family, that’s run-of-the-mill.)  She’s the family’s scapegoat – the one who’s easy to blame when things go wrong – though she’s really just trying to contend with the tough hand she’s been dealt.  But she’s also the moderately gifted children in a family of high overachievers – the one who reminds me of my clients with amazing strengths who got buried among the valedictorians and star athletes (for example) of their families.  Key lyric: “I will stand on the side as you shine. I’m not fine.”

And it’s not just Mirabel and her sisters.  Abuela, a refugee who loses her husband and is left to rear infant triplets alone, carries deep trauma, which is passed down intergenerationally.  Bruno is ostracized for speaking uncomfortable truths, and we could make analogies to a family member who is neurodivergent, queer, or just more progressive than their relatives.

While I’ve seen a lot of creative content – blogs, think pieces, and even TikToks  – focused on all of the characters and dynamics above, I’ve seen very little mentioned about the character who stuck in my craw the most.

Let’s talk about Pepa-pa-pa-pa

Every member of the family Madrigal (except, obviously, Mirabel) is given a gift on their 5th birthday.  But damn, Aunt Pepa got the short end of the stick.

Pepa’s gift is that her moods affect the weather.  To be clear, it’s not that Pepa, herself, can control the weather to become whatever suits her.  Rather, her feelings involuntarily impact the weather.

Throughout the movie, Pepa is shown with a raincloud over her head after becoming justifiably upset about something.  But at no point does any other character say, “Pepa, I can see you’re upset.  Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?  I’m here for you, let’s hash this out.”  Instead, they tell her sternly, “Pepa, you have a cloud,” and she hurriedly pushes it away while trying to paste a smile on her face.

And in a sea of blog articles about Encanto, literally no one is talking about this.  I did a Google deep-dive to find out what the internet had to say about Pepa, and there was next to nothing.  The few Reddit threads I did find described her as “mean” and “aggressive”.  (But like, wouldn’t you be too, under these unjust circumstances?)

When you believe you have to protect others from your feelings

My clients, often, are people who have been told that their emotions are too much.  They’re the adults who, as children, were asked to leave the room when they were upset, and come back when they’re ready to be happy and pleasant again.  They’re the people who internalize the idea that their only value is to fill the room with their effusive joy, and when they experience hard feelings, they stuff them down for fear of impacting others.

Authentic relationships, though, are built on honesty about hard feelings.  I’ve written before about how the movie Inside Out teaches us that expressing sadness begets empathy, and empathy strengthens relationships.  So many clients tell me that they’re afraid to be honest about their struggles and take up space with their emotions.

I, myself, am a sensitive person with big feelings.  These things can be a challenge, but ultimately, I believe that they’re an asset.  Sometimes, my loved ones tell me: “It’s okay to be messy.  It’s okay to have big feelings – to feel sad, angry, afraid, ashamed.  You’re dealing with a lot right now.  I love you, and the fact that you’re struggling doesn’t change that.”

I wish I could gift a support system like this to Pepa.  I wish I could gift it to my clients.

And I wish I could introduce Encanto’s Pepa to Frozen’s Elsa.

Truly, they have a lot in common.  Both control the weather with their emotions.  Both have been taught to “conceal, don’t feel”.  But thanks to her sister Anna’s unconditional love, Elsa learns to express her big emotions (and make snow) in a healthy way.

(Some folks have pointed out to me – and I’ve noticed with about a dozen more watches – that there’s even a reference to this in the last scene of the movie, where Bruno apologizes to Pepa and tells her to “let it rain, let it snow, let it go!”)

I wish Abuela and Pepa’s other family members could also do this for her.  I wish they could take the rain as a cue to snuggle Pepa under a cozy blanket, hold her tight, and love her through until the sun shined.

But not all families are capable of this, and you can’t change the family you were given.  If your parents taught you to hold in your emotions, it might be because they’re not capable of helping you hold them.  But that is their shortcoming, not yours.  This does not mean that your emotions are too much; it means that your parent – who is probably doing the best they can – has barriers that prevent them from playing the role you need them to.

If your emotions are too big – if you become enraged in a way that hurts others – it’s probably because your softer emotions aren’t being addressed supportively.  (This blog article talks more about how anger is a secondary emotion that often protects you from having to feel the harder, deeper stuff – sadness, fear, hurt, shame.)

A therapist can help you to access the feelings that are fueling the big response – to not fear the raincloud.  And then, to find the courage and strength to express them to a loved one, and build a community of people who can hold every messy emotion you bring to the table and love you unconditionally.

Even when you’re having a rainy day.

Reach out

If you struggle with Big Feelings and worry about the impact your emotions have on others, I’d love to support you in learning to work with your feelings rather than against them.  Reach out here to schedule a free phone consultation.