I am a deeply queer-affirming therapist. This differs from being queer-friendly, which means “accepting” your sexual orientation or gender identity. Being affirming, conversely, means that I move beyond acceptance and approach my work with members of gender, sexual, and relationship minorities from the perspective that your experiences, families, and identities are equal in value to those of your cishet counterparts. I also understand that heteronormative standards don’t apply to every relationship or individual. While some queer people may want similar things to their straight, cis counterparts, many do not. As with any population, my guiding principle is that if you aren’t hurting anyone and you feel good on the inside, you’re probably doing okay. Living outside the mold of mainstream culture can be fraught with challenges. From managing relationships with family members to workplace stress to internalizing harmful messages that a heteronormative lifestyle is somehow “better,” I can help you to navigate this.

Identities as Non-Binary and Fluid

I understand that gender identity and sexual orientation are non-binary constructs, meaning that they fall on a continuum rather than two check-boxes. For sexual orientation, this means that while some people identify as 100% straight and others as 100% gay or queer, bisexuality and pansexuality are legitimate sexual orientations (as is asexuality!). For gender identity, this means that while some people identify as male and others as female, many people identify as nonbinary, genderqueer, male or female of center, or agender, or have a more nuanced and complicated relationship with the idea of gender than can be captured in a single word or phrase. I have worked with many people who can’t simply “check a box” and I will never ask you to “choose a label”.

I also understand fluidity of sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression.  What this means is that you may feel more attracted to one type of person on Tuesday and another on Thursday.  It also means that you might identify more with male characteristics one day and female characteristics another day, and on a third day feel decisively in the middle.  The way you express your gender may vary from moment to moment. I believe in your right to describe your identity or identities in whatever way feels most comfortable to you, and will honor your pronouns and your self-selected labels (or lack of labels).  If you need help to figure out what fits or feels best, I can help you navigate that journey, but I will never stick you with a gender or sexual orientation label that does not feel authentic to you.

Nontraditional relationships

I have extensive experience working with clients who have nontraditional relationship structures, including polyamorous and kinky relationships.  In some cases, I have helped clients to navigate the intricacies and complexities of polyamory and find safe resources to learn about and practice BDSM. When working with kinky and polyamorous clients, my goal is to support your relationship style while helping you to navigate it safely and with consent of all involved parties. Often, clients who identify as kinky or polyamorous come to see me because they want a safe, affirming environment to work on concerns that are unrelated to navigating nontraditional relationships. My office is a safe space to work on other therapy topics, such as self-esteem, anxiety, depression, stress, dating, trauma, family relationships, and general identity questions, without having your relationship viewed as a form of pathology.

To discuss how I can support you in a queer-affirming way, reach out to schedule a free phone consultation now!