In over a decade of private practice, I’ve never spoken to a single client who was inspired to seek therapy predominantly because they’re unhappy with the way they use their phone. And yet, hundreds of clients have expressed to me that they wish they could change this.
Getting sucked into a cell phone is a funny thing. It makes you think you’re connecting with something beyond yourself, yet you can feel in your bones that it’s deeply disconnecting. It’s both a cause and an effect of burnout, melancholy, grief, executive functioning challenges, depression, anxiety, and self-esteem problems. And yet, we all do it.
I’ve spent a lot of time talking to clients about how they can mitigate the impact of this nearly ubiquitous challenge, and as a result, I’ve assembled the list below. As with anything you’re trying to change, I recommend not implementing all of these things at once. Instead, start by choosing one or two that resonate with you. You can always revisit this post later if you’d like to try more ideas then.
Use technology to combat technology
1. Get a smart home device and use it instead
A lot of people get sucked into the scroll when they’re using their phones to find a concrete piece of information, like the time, weather forecast, or an answer to a simple question. You can interrupt that cycle before it starts by getting a smart home device. That way, instead of pulling out your phone, you can just say, “Alexa, what’s today’s weather forecast?”
2. “Alexa, set 1 minute timer”
Speaking of Alexa, if you find yourself scrolling on an addicting app, and know you need to stop, but aren’t quite ready, set a timer. You can do this verbally: “Alexa, set a 1 minute phone timer.” (Or something comparable for a Google Home device, Siri, or any other voice-activated virtual assistant.)
3. Buy an alarm clock
A lot of the time, people feel like they need their phones next to their beds because it’s their alarm clock that wakes them up in the morning. A simple solution: Don’t do this. Instead, spend $10 on an analog alarm clock, and use it for your morning alarm. (Alternately, harkening to the above, a smart home assistant can also do this.)
Shift your relationship with your phone
4. Charge your phone away from your bed
I alluded to this in #3, but one of the biggest cycles I see people get into is scrolling on their phones in bed. Bed is such a warm and cozy place that it just feels impossible to stop. One way to mitigate this temptation is to keep your phone charger in a closet or another room so that you have to get out of bed to grab it.
5. Leave your phone somewhere other than your pocket
The daytime equivalent of #4 is that most of us have our phones in our pockets all day, every day. Once in a while, be deliberate about leaving it somewhere else. Know you need to focus on something, or want to connect with someone? Leave your phone into another room to avoid temptation.
6. Get angry – they’re trying to sell you stuff
Something that had a huge impact on my relationship with my phone was the realization that phones are addictive intentionally. Why – because they’re trying to build a culture of cross-eyed automatons like in the movie Wall-E? No – because the more you stare at your phone, the more opportunities big corporations have to try to sell you stuff.
Does this make you mad? Good – sometimes a little bit of targeted anger is the best cure for something like this. (As a side note, this is how I finally divested from diet culture.)
7. Understand the intermittent schedule of reinforcement
Behavioral psychology research shows that the best way to get someone to maintain a behavior is to reward it occasionally and on an unpredictable schedule – called the “intermittent schedule of reinforcement”.
Social media is exactly this. Most of what you see makes you feel bad, but occasionally something makes you feel good, and that sucks you in to keep scrolling, grounded in the hope (promise?) that eventually you’ll see something that will make all the icky feelings you usually have worthwhile.
8. Delay picking up your phone in the morning
Over the years, a lot of smokers have told me that the hardest cigarette to quit is the first one of the day, right after they get out of bed. The same can be true for phone use – that morning scroll helps you delay taking on the day. Try not touching your phone until after you’ve brushed your teeth and showered, and see how it goes.
(You’re now charging your phone in a room other than your bedroom, right? That should make this one easier.)
9. Develop “no phone zones”
One year my New Year’s Resolution was to stop using my phone while I was in the bathroom. I wouldn’t say I was completely successful, but it was a good nudge and I definitely do that less now. Other good places to declare a “no phone” zone are the kitchen table, elevators, and while you’re driving. Personally, I also leave my phone downstairs whenever I’m doing bedtime routine with one of my kiddos.
Modify settings in your phone itself
10. Download an “app blocker” app
The best one I’ve found is called One Sec, and it forces you to take a deep breath and then asks you if you are sure you want to open the app. It’s basically forced mindfulness. The free version gives you this barrier on one app; you can upgrade to the paid version if you want to block multiple apps.
11. Track your time with a widget
Most smart phones have a built-in widget that can track how you use your phone, and for how long. (Here are some links about how to find it on an iPhone or an Android.) You can gamify this – aim for less than a certain amount of phone use – or you can just track patterns and notice what a good mental health versus a bad mental health day looks like for you.
For me, the cut-off seems to be 2 hours: any more than that, and I know I’ve probably been using my phone to numb out. Someone else I know told me their “good day/ bad day” divide is 5 hours, so this will vary dramatically from person to person, depending on what functions you use on your phone.
12. Delete addicting apps (typically, social media & dating)
If there’s an app that’s causing you particularly huge problems, just delete it. I did this with Facebook, and it’s been a game changer. The most common apps people struggle with are social media and dating apps, but you can do this with any app that causes you issues.
13. Make your phone black and white
Our phones are built to be addicting (see #6) and so they look like gloriously entertaining video games. You can change the settings to make your phone screen appear black and white. For some people, this works astoundingly well to convince your brain that your phone is a tool, not a toy.
Address the emotions
14. Feel your feelings
Most of the time, unwanted phone use is a way to [numb out]. If you want to decrease your phone use, the best thing you can do is learn to tolerate the presence of uncomfortable feelings. This isn’t a quick fix, like making your phone screen black and white, or downloading a barrier app. It takes a lot of hard work. But it’s far and away the most effective way to change your relationship with your phone.
15. Use the HALT acronym to identify what’s keeping you stuck
The HALT acronym stands for “hungry, angry, lonely, tired”. If you get stuck in a scroll, put your hand on your heart and ask yourself “Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?” And then instead of continuing to scroll mindlessly, address whichever need resonates the most.
16. Have a list of things on your phone that help you mitigate anxiety or depression
Keep it in the notes app. Some suggestions are go for a walk, talk to a friend, do 10 jumping jacks, cuddle a pet, or anything that makes you feel better when you feel bad. I recommend creating this list when you’re in a positive headspace so that you can reference it when your anxiety depression spike.
Other tips to stop scrolling
17. Create social media escape hatches
Pick an account that posts frequently, and whose posts take you off of social media. My favorite is Lunar Baboon – he posts the first frame of his web comic, but if I want to see the whole thing I have to click the link. This gets me off of social media, and after I’ve read the comic, I’m no longer stuck in a scrolling cycle.
18. Switch to a different app
Choose an app that makes you feel better, not worse, and make a habit of switching to that one. (I like the NY Times crossword puzzle app, but anything that helps your brain feel healthy and strong will work!) The “One Sec” app I mentioned in #10 can serve as a reminder to redirect yourself.
19. State your intention aloud
If I’m picking up my phone to check the weather, I say the word “weather” out loud several times on the way from having the idea to looking at my phone. Otherwise, I forget what I’m doing and get sucked into a notification instead.
Conversely, you can do this on the back end by saying out loud, “I’ve been scrolling and it doesn’t feel good. I’m going to put my phone down now.”
20. Give yourself “x” more posts
I tend to find 5 is a good number. This harkens back to the idea of the “intermittent schedule of reinforcement” that I mentioned in #7. Tell yourself, if I don’t find something I love in 5 posts (including sponsored posts), I’m going to put my phone down and call it.
I hope you found something helpful on this list!
Which tip was your favorite? Let me know in the comments!