For the past six months, Donald Trump has been in my office. He’s there nearly every day, and he changes the energy in the room. And I think it’s about high time that I acknowledge him.
I don’t mean, of course, that Donald Trump is one of my clients (though of course, as an ethical therapist who values client confidentiality, I can neither confirm nor deny this). Rather, his presence is infused into the experience all of my clients are having of the world in which we live.
Donald Trump is usually not a client’s “presenting problem” – therapy lingo for the main thing someone wants to talk about. Rather, he comes up in small ways, sprinkled across the session like a terrifying, fascist confectioners sugar.
“So I don’t know what I’m going to do about all these arguments with my husband, and on top of everything, Donald Trump could be our next president!”
“And I’m just so depressed… and god, it gets worse every time I turn on the news and hear all the sexist and racist rhetoric that’s been drummed up lately.”
“I’ve never really had many feelings about the fact that I’m half Mexican, but every time I hear Trump speak, I feel unsafe.”
Always laden with emotions ranging from fear to anger to existential anxiety, these comments seem to come with an implied, “why is this affecting me so much?” People don’t understand how the political can feel so personal. But I hear these concerns reflected nearly every day.
What’s Different About Trump?
I’ve been a therapist since 2008, which means this is my third general election in practice. People had feelings about the other two elections… but never like this. This is a genuine, white-hot fear. Even the Washington Post printed an article about therapists seeing a spike in anxiety, specifically in regards to Donald Trump.
The biggest problem with Trump isn’t actually his “politics”. It’s not even his racism, or his sexism, or his “tell-it-like-it-is” lack of tact or decorum. The biggest problem with Trump is that he’s stirred up a culture of vitriol, violence, and vindictiveness that makes people feel endangered. He has created a safe space for people to degrade women and and shamelessly announce their most deeply held racist beliefs, and has declared that an entire religious group should be banned from entering the country. For his supporters, he has validated and normalized aggression against marginalized groups.
Some might say it’s a silver lining that Trump has led people to speak these beliefs that they already had, bubbling just beneath the surface. And maybe it is, because you cannot fight a monster who you cannot see. But for members and allies of the racial, gender, sexual, and religious groups he targets, Trump Anxiety is a very real thing.
Trump Anxiety in the Therapy Room
People love to joke about moving to Canada when politics swing in a direction they don’t like, but my clients who talk about Donald Trump are not joking. They’re scared.
Clients of color want to know if they’re going to be attacked walking down the street.
Clients whose families are from Middle Eastern countries want to know if their parents are going to be deported.
Female clients want to know if their rights – rights the feminist movement is still fighting so hard for – are going to be compromised by a man who sees them as objects.
Gay, lesbian, and bisexual clients want to know if their marriage rights are going to be taken away.
And even straight white men describe feelings of fear and anger.
What You Can Do
Obviously, use your voice and vote. But outside of that, if you’re feeling Trump anxiety, here are some things you can do:
- Know that you’re not alone in it. Talk to like-minded people about politics – not just on social media, but in person, where you can engage empathically and feel the energy of having people on your side.
- If you’re a member of a marginalized group, seek out “safe spaces”: Queer spaces, POC spaces, feminist spaces, religious spaces. Connect with others, and find strength in community.
- If you’re not a member of a marginalized group, reach out to those people in your life who are. Let them know that you stand with them, and that you are a safe person to talk to if the stress of Trump and his rhetoric weighs them down. Then actually be a safe person. Your role when someone reaches out to you is to let them talk and listen supportively.
- Empower yourself. Become involved in politics. Volunteer for causes that are meaningful to you. Take action to make positive changes.
- Take a break from the news. This is not the opposite of #4, but rather something that becomes even more important if you engage in #4. Practice self-care. Watch a sit-com. Play a game. Go for a hike.
According to news sources, it’s unlikely that Trump will win the general election. So take a deep breath, take care of yourself, and find connection and support in the safe people around you.
***NOTE from 11/9/16: Obviously, I was wrong about Trump’s prospects in the general election. Here is my guide to enduring and surviving the Trump presidency.