I have a story to tell you with a great moral. Allow me, please, to be a little bit of a nerd for a moment, and then I’ll get to the psychology of it all. I promise.

Anyone familiar with the Harry Potter universe can tell you about the four houses of Hogwarts. Ravenclaw is for those whose primary quality is their intelligence. Slytherin is for those who are ambitious. Hufflepuff contains those who are most loyal. And Gryffindor, the lens through which we hear the entire story, is for the bravest of the brave.

For over a decade, rabid fans of the book series have identified with a specific house. There have been “Which house are you” Facebook quizzes and lengthy questionnaires on a plethora of websites, all of which seek to emulate the “Sorting Hat” that first-year Hogwarts students wear in order to learn where they will spend their seven years at the school.

But just recently, J.K. Rowling, the book’s author, has released a website called Pottermore. Pottermore contains new information about the characters, the places, the spells, and the magical world. It also provides an interactive experience, where users can shop at Diagon Alley for their school supplies, brew potions, and, of course, get sorted into their house. This sorting is done through a random sampling of about 50-100 questions. Each participant answers seven of those questions, and the Sorting Hat makes its declaration. Its ruling is considered somewhat definitive, and those who are big fans of the series take it seriously. As one tongue-in-cheek online support group for those who have been “improperly sorted” says, “Queen Rowling has spoken and told us where we belong.”

Last night, a friend and I were exploring the new website. After much anticipation, we reached the Sorting Hat. I have often fancied myself a Gryffindor, though I have strong qualities of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff too and, at times, even a little bit of Slytherin.

However, my friend considers herself a Ravenclaw – the “smart” house. And we all consider her a Ravenclaw too. Highly educated, full of knowledge and information, her intelligence is the first thing nearly anyone would notice when they meet her. Secondarily, she could be a Hufflepuff – the “loyal” house. She nearly always considers others before herself, and is an intensely loyal friend.

My friend, smart and loyal as she is, has many fears. She is afraid of heights, the dark, rollercoasters, bugs, confrontation, and uncomfortable social situations. When asked, in the course of the quiz, “What do you fear most?,” I immediately clicked “Isolation,” but she sat there deliberating over the seven choices for five whole minutes before choosing one.

When we finished our seven questions, we sat there, on separate laptops, our cursor hovering over the button that would reveal our House. “Ok,” I said, “on three.”

We clicked.

And as I held my breath, my screen turned bright red. Gryffindor!! I grinned. I had been nervous that I would have to exchange my fan paraphernalia upon discovering that I was pretty brave, but really more smart or loyal.

I looked at my friend’s screen, expecting to see a deep Ravenclaw blue. But hers was red too!

I felt confused. She felt confused. We started making hypotheses – maybe my presence had influenced her choices. Maybe she should have gone with her gut and her first impulse instead of choosing her answers so carefully. At least, I told her, it was only the house I would have expected her to be in SECOND least. Never has there been a person who was less of a Slytherin.

“I love you,” I told her, “but you really aren’t a Gryffindor.”

She left for the evening, looking confused and feeling, I think, quite annoyed. And I was confused too – clearly, the questions were broken.

But after sleeping on it, I have a different thought:

My friend is incredibly brave.

I remembered the time we were at the theatre and someone started yelling aggressively at me, and she came to my aid to try to back me up and diffuse the situation.

I thought about her social anxiety, measured next to all of the Meetup groups she attends and parties she goes to.

I considered her strong feelings of right and wrong, her tendency to vocally and actively support the causes she believes in.

And I had a revelation. Bravery is not about a lack of fear. It’s about a willingness to do things that scare the pants off you or are outside your comfort zone in order to strive for the world you want to live in. It’s about standing up for what you believe, even if you’re afraid. It’s about being afraid when it’s okay to be afraid, but swallowing those fears and doing what you need to do if it needs to be done.

And I’m pretty sure my friend, while terrified of a laundry list of different things, would climb to the roof of a skyscraper and decapitate a giant spider in order to confront a villain if the cause were sufficiently worthy.

Featured photo courtesy of Stacie – CC 2.0